Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Randomize
