**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My vagina is officially offended.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
