There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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