My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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