Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She needs sedatives and a leash
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
