Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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