Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
