This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize