i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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