I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
