The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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