She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
