In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
