just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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