If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
