there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
