cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
