Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
