Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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