You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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