im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
