question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
