Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
