No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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