Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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