Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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