I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
