Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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