Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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