i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
