My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
