brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
