2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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