What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
