no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
