My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
