My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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