I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Please don't give away my fajitas
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
