Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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