She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
