Sry I called you an 8
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize