He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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