dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
