hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
