You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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