You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
