Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
