hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
