I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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