Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize