when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
