I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
