I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
