hotel room ftw
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She's the barista slut.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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