She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
