Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
