I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
