when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
