The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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