i don't like sucking hair
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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